Addictive Behaviors constantly get in the way of our happiness. Caused by strong emotions: aggression, jealousy, envy, craving, entitlement, pride, fear, they are comfort vehicles which often give us instant gratification but which are, ultimately harmful to us in our search for happiness.

We, like moths are drawn to the light which represents warmth and comfort, are drawn to those things which harm us.

We are all addicts in one way or another. Some are addicted to alcohol, drugs, violence, stealing, but more of us to lying, saying mean things, gossiping, worry, negative thoughts, judging ourselves and others, and complaining.

The nature of addictive behavior is that every time we do that thing, every time we complain or criticize or judge or gossip, or whatever the thing is that we’re addicted to doing, we strengthen our addiction.

We don’t trust our own capacity to wake up. We have a little voice that says, “I am not okay.” “Everyone else can do XXX but not me.” Or we have a voice that says, “I am right.”

It’s hard for us to entertain the notion that there might be another way of looking at things.

We might even think that happiness is getting what we want.

“We long to free ourselves from misery

But it’s misery we follow.

We destroy joy as we would an enemy.”

We’re like the moth.

We all know that addictive feeling. It’s that thing we’ve done a million times. And yet…and yet…this time, we say to ourselves, it will be different. This time we won’t eat every potato chip in the family size bag. This time we’ll feel better when we say that mean thing to hurt someone back who’s hurt us. This time we’ll convince that person to act the way we know is right…and they’ll be better off for it.

But of course that’s just our addictive craving talking and every time we give in to it, it escalates. We get better and better at it.

So, how can we stop doing those addictive behaviors which invariably harm us and often others?

We catch ourselves at it. Become aware of it. Recognize it and then just don’t do it.

It’s not a question of repressing the craving. We let the thought or action go because we recognize that we don’t like what it feels like and we consciously want to be doing it less next year at this time. We think it but we let it go. We don’t act on it.

We refrain from doing that thing…eating that thing…saying that thing…because that refraining is what interrupts the old habit.

For many it’s often judgmental mind. So we just tell ourselves – “Don’t do it! You’ve done it a million times. You’re getting older and older and you don’t want to just keep on doing it up to your last 5 minutes on earth so just don’t do it! It sure isn’t going to stop on its own and no one else can stop it for you.”

An addiction is a compulsion. There’s a tremendous pull to do it again. What we need to do is essentially go through “detox”. We need to cure ourselves of these addictive behaviors.

If we look at the 10 precepts we can see that each and every one of us is addicted to something on the list. We are probably not addicted to all of them and maybe we are addicted to some more than others but there is sure to be at least one that shouts out to us…and it’s sure to be causing unhappiness in our life.

If we use the precepts to feel guilty or, conversely, to be proud (“Wow! I don’t do that one!” or “Wow! I didn’t do that one…today!”) we’re missing the point. We need to live by the precepts innocently, like a child. Better not to think of it as being a good or a bad person, rather that we are seeking to cultivate happiness and gain access to our innate wisdom.

Innate wisdom is insuppressible. Think of it like seeds in rich soil that our addictive behaviors have been cementing over, and over, and over. Whenever a crack in the cement opens up through our refraining from our addictive, harmful behaviors, our innate wisdom pops through like the grass in the cracks of sidewalk cement.

The way to do this is hard and simple at the same time. It’s hard because it’s uncomfortable and a little scary to stop a habit which has given us instant gratification (even if the gratification may last only minutes and then create a more painful situation than before). Simple because all it takes is to just stop doing it. And we do that when we truly understand that the behavior is harmful for us. We just GET IT!

Your addiction may be to critical mind. For decades you’ve been pointing out to people what they’re doing wrong and how it ought to be. And, yet, things that need to be fixed still exist. Your sense of things being wrong still exists. You feel bad and STILL the situation doesn’t get changed. And it hits you that if you want to enjoy life, you just need to stop criticizing. Set a goal of a year and say to yourself that you’ll check in with yourself in a year to see if you feel better.

The thing is that the craving still exists. For most of us, we’re blessed when we can get to the point where we have half-faith or half-trust that stopping will make us feel better. So sometimes we refrain but sometimes the craving gets the best of our trust and we do the thing anyway. We are caught between idealistic notions and our own human frailty; between how we should be and how we really are. We need to find the middle way. A way to stay open so that more and more often we are able to stop harming ourselves. And right here is where we learn compassion for ourselves (and for others) because we see how tough it is and that we are all in the same boat.

But this is a great place to be because we’ve recognized the addiction and, although we don’t always succeed, we can, more and more often, just stop doing it.

Great faith is like putting two hands together. And though half faith is like putting only one hand up – at least it’s still up there in the air. We’ve entered the arena, the stream of unstoppable innate wisdom – we’ve made cracks in the cement.

Our addictive behaviors have been around with us quite awhile. They’re tricky. They know us well. As a result, part of us does not really believe that refraining from our addictive behaviors will bring happiness, even when we see over and over that it does.

If you have been saying a clever, mean thing in response to people saying hurtful things to you for so long that you know how satisfying it can feel, it is hard to really believe you will feel better when someone says something hurtful to you and you refrain from saying a clever, mean thing. You know it will be uncomfortable for you. You worry that you will have nothing to replace it.

That’s where practice comes in. Learning not to run away from the discomfort and to trust that innate wisdom will result in the crack in the cement and bring happiness.

At some point, from our own insight, and from feeling the happiness that comes from refraining from critical mind or judgmental mind or saying a mean thing, from eating a plateful of brownies or from feeling a twinge of joyfulness at someone’s misfortune, we really get it. It gets through. And then we trust that innate wisdom ALWAYS gets through.

Sometimes it’s easy. That’s when we say we’ve had “a good day”, or a “good hour” or a “good period”. Seize that moment!

Sometimes things will get in the way. Be kind to yourself. And remember that half-faith is so much better than ever- escalating addiction. Always remember that innate wisdom will come forth.

I no longer remember where I found this article.  I’ve had it for awhile. Hopefully it’s rightful owner isn’t too attached to being credited. In any case, it didn’t originate with me so I’m crediting the cosmos. Aliza