I’m blessed with people in my life who are very kind to me.

They rock and roll with all the strangeness and new ideas I come up with. With the new projects I talk about doing.

They never roll their eyes. Their body language never makes me feel silly or defensive or reluctant to talk to them about the next idea or project.

My best friends often try to think of ways I might be able to achieve my new projects. They ask good questions and think of ways they might be helpful in the new project.  A couple of them even suggest new projects they think might suit me or generate income for me someday (and some of them actually have!)

But probably the best part is that they just listen in that active listening  kind of way.

These friends never say “I told you so” (and, in fact, they don’t “tell me so” even if they figure the idea is unrealistic or that I probably won’t do anything with it other than talk about it).   

They don’t even mention it or say “Hey, whatever happened to your idea about…” or remind me in any way that something I was excited about and for sure going to do has faded into the sunset.

So I always feel just fine sharing my next idea.

Used to be that when  my friends talked to me about their ideas or projects, I’d listen and…give advice. I didn’t ask them if they wanted advice…or if they just wanted me to listen.

My advice was usually practical ways to make their ideas actually work…even if they were somewhat different than the direction my friends’ ideas were going.

In being practical I might have told them their idea wouldn’t work. I might have told them it wasn’t realistic…and why. 

Usually my direction and suggestions were pretty accurate. (My judgments are pretty good about a lot of things) But I certainly wasn’t giving them that acceptance and unconditional encouragement that I was receiving from them.

Truth is, most of my friends don’t have harebrained schemes like I do. There’s never usually a reason their ideas totally won’t work or that it’s totally clear that their ideas are mostly pipe dreams (like many of mine are). They don’t have crazy ideas. (I think if they did, it might have been easier for me to be unconditionally encouraging. I like crazy ideas).

Some time ago I decided that I would like to be kinder to my friends not only in the ways they’re kind to me when I talk to them about new ideas and projects…but in general.

I wasn’t noticing things they were kind enough to notice and comment on. I didn’t notice haircuts or new clothes. I didn’t notice changes they made in their homes. I didn’t compliment them on new things I did notice if I didn’t especially like them (I’d sometimes try but it totally sounded fake and ingenuous to my ears).  

I’m guessing they don’t always like my new clothes and changes I make but they always make me feel like they do.

And then there was my impatience with them. Impatient with their phone calls when they called just to say “hi” and didn’t really have anything to say.  Impatient when I had things planned and they called or came over (even though, admittedly, it wouldn’t matter a bit if I spent a focused 10 or 30 minutes – or even an hour – with them before going on to the next thing on my list.)

So I decided to use my meditation skills and breathing methods to bring awareness to my behavior with my friends. To be kinder. Have more empathetic joy in their new ideas and things. Be more patient. 

That was a couple of years ago.

I’ve woken up to the fact recently that I no longer have to use meditation skills and breathing methods to be kinder, more patient and more joyful for my friends. Wow! It works!  

Awareness practice. I read about it, listen to podcasts about it and talk about it with my students. And now I’ve experienced it for real. Here’s the very good news – It’s all true!

And another thing that turns out to be true – all of that stuff really does make me feel happier. The gift of kindness, patience and empathetic joy for others ends up being a gift to myself. Just like “they” said all along.