Glorious India

The plan to spend an extended amount of time in India was conceived so long ago that trying to remember when, how and who initiated the thought leads mostly to fractured fairy tales.

I think it was my husband’s idea to change his life radically to serve the same function as cleaning your palate between courses. He was looking forward to total retirement and fantasized about a period of time to wipe the slate clean and begin to formulate a next stage in his life.

Life has a way of whisking away parts of our ideas and morphing them into other versions of themselves. Total retirement, when contemplated in the reality of the altering of lifestyle that financial change would necessitate, has been postponed for another few years and transformed into six months working and six months…not working. (Still no definition as to what that might entail.)

But that might be exactly what led us to sitting around the pool at The Fern Spazio Resort and Spa – which sounds far fancier than it is; though it’s very nice – in Arjuna, North Goa, India. It might be kismet, karma, or just one of life’s serendipitous events. It’s feeling a lot like one of those proverbial gift horses in whose mouths we’ve been forewarned not to look too carefully

Five days in bustling Mumba; a city with a population of an unbelievable 22 million people. Mumbai is a city of contrast. Extreme wealth in its commercial center and extreme poverty with literally millions living in the slums with which we became familiar in Slum Dog Millionaire (which, by the way, is quoted extensively by guides in Mumbai.)

We arrived during the Diwali Festival – five days of vacation celebrating the removal of darkness and ignorance; The Festival of Lights (not to be confused with Chanukah, though there are similarities). The fireworks were on Sunday so we missed them but we didn’t miss the crowds of Indians on holiday in Mumbai.

As we approached The Gateway of India, lovely architecture reminding us of the not-so-lovely period of British Rule when in 1911 the stone gateway was built for the king and queen’s visit, we saw a mass of humanity second only to the million people we joined at Woodstock. Dripping sweat in the hot Mumbai humidity, I could only smile at the outlandish possibility of inserting myself into that press of people. It seemed so ludicrous.

My children pointed out to me long ago that the only possibility of not having to stand in a long line for activities for kids is choosing really boring activities. I take my grandchildren into lines and crowds I never would’ve taken my children. The funny thing is that when I mentioned that recently to one of my kids she said she was happy that I take her kids to those crowded fun places because she’s not willing to.

A sweet young man was kind enough to show us the right line to be in to get onto the ferry to Elephant Island to see the caves, and seemed to be saying that the tickets would sort themselves out. The long but orderly snake line looked daunting but he assured us it would only take half an hour. Google advised getting on the 2 o’clock ferry so we were standing in the hottest sun Mumbai could serve up and it was plenty hot. At some point a man came and sold us tickets and, lo and behold, in 40 minutes we were on a ferry. The promised 45 minute ride stretched out to an hour and a half, but the breeze was welcome.

Elephant Island has no elephants and neither do the elephant caves. It seems that once upon a time there were two big statues of elephants at the entrance to the island. The British, as is their wont, stole them and took them wherever they fancied, but the name stuck.

We took a local guide, Harish, one of the 1200 inhabitants of the island, and made our way up 125 narrow stone steps, four and five abreast, with people packed in front of and behind us. Along both sides of the stairs was a market of trinkets, including wonderful Tibetan singing bowls for a tenth the price we pay for them in Israel. Carried along by the crowd, we ignored the vendors’ pleas.

The Portuguese (who also ruled here for a little more than 500 years) tried to destroy the elephant caves but the beautiful carvings of the nine images of Shiva as well as the caves themselves are made of basalt and remained mostly impervious to the attempts. The carvings are beautiful and their stories well told.

We went on a private car tour of Mumbai and a walking tour of the markets. The sights were interesting but the guides were more so. We saw the in/famous Mumbai laundry, got a peek at the slums surrounding it, and were fascinated by the Gandhi Museum.

Our driver/guide told us a tragic story that may or may not have been partially or totally true. He said his father died when he was 12 and his mother ran off. He slept on the streets or in temples and learned English from an old man who read the newspaper with him to teach him. He married and rents a tiny place in the slums for himself, his wife and their two children. We said hello to his two, very sweet, children on his phone.

There’s really no need for a guide in the Mumbai markets but our pleasant 25 year old guide gave us many tips for bargaining that have come in very handy as well as sharing his insights into Indian culture. He yearns to move out of his parents’ home and live independently, mostly to indulge his desire to have unbridled fun. He and his parents disagree about what he should be doing to prepare for his future as well as what his future should look like. (Sounds like young people here, or at least this one, have a lot in common with their age group in the States).

We both took to pure vegetarian food immediately again, as if we hadn’t been carnivores for the past 3 years since leaving India. We found our special place to eat dinner and ate there most evenings. At home I make an effort to get to 6000 steps a day; here I get to 11,000 and even 18,000 without trying. At home I’ve developed tricks to remain hydrated; here I swig liters of water constantly.

Feeling healthy and happy and relaxed after a week in Northern Goa. Met up with a wonderful yogi/teacher on the beach.

But that will wait for my next post.

Namaste

Traveling for Six Weeks with ONLY my Husband

About ten years ago a friend came to try on some dresses of mine to wear to a wedding. A few of them looked GREAT on her. She ended up not borrowing any of them and when I asked her why, adding how good they looked on her, she explained that she prefers not to attract attention to herself. She dresses nicely but, in fact, once I considered it, with much fewer colors and “fashionable” new thingamagiggies on her clothes than some of my clothes.

An eye opener for me. I’d always just assumed that every woman tried to make herself as attractive as possible, within her particular social group’s unspoken rules. Not so, it seems.

This year another friend, noticing some highlights I’d put in my hair, said she, too, had put highlights in her hair for one of her kids’ weddings, having been persuaded by her hair stylist, but was happy when they grew out. I asked innocently, “Didn’t they look good?” She answered that, well, yes, she’d gotten quite a few compliments but she prefers for her hair to look “okay” and not attract compliments.

A re-enforcing “ah-ha” moment. Sooo, here it was again. That difference in basic behavior from what I (no longer by this time) assumed to be generalized to the population of women.

All this to say that when my husband and I began to talk about our upcoming 6-week travel adventure to South America and New York City, I was less surprised to learn that the idea of 6 weeks both away from home and routine AND with my husband, was an adventure whose positive effect on one’s life was not necessarily generalized to the population of couples.

Men who work with Gershon expressed surprise, “What?!? SIX WEEKS with ONLY your wife? Why would you want to do such a thing?”

Women were also quite vocal in telling me that the heat and humidity of the Amazonian jungle (not to mention the mosquitoes, leeches and occasional lack of hot water), the cold of the Patagonian glaciers and, yes, being with ONLY my mate for six weeks was of dubious enjoyment in their minds. (putting it mildly!) One friend went so far as to ponder aloud whether we would be speaking to each other when we returned.

Once upon a time I’d thought that the excitement and adventure of experiencing different cultures and seeing the beauty of God’s wonders was something everyone dreams of. But, this particular trip being the sixth or seventh Gershon and I have taken, I long ago learned that leaving one’s daily comfort zone is not something many people take lightly. The personal discomfort and anxiety level being too high a price for all that excitement and adventure.

One friend put it well when he said that he preferred to see the glory of foreign flora and fauna from the comfort of his living room – the National Geographic tv station is just fine for him and there are always DVDs.

Okay, here’s a news flash – Being with “only” my husband for six weeks is a bit of a challenge sometimes.

But it’s not because of my companion being my husband.

There probably isn’t anyone I’d rather travel with. I can only wish for everyone a partner who is as mellow, go-with-the-flow, enthusiastic, considerate and happy-to-be-on-the-road as my husband.

Nope, the only reason it’s a challenge for me is because of ME!

I have a hard time being with ANYONE 24/7.  I’m happy as a clam having a few hours, minimum, of private time, all to myself, every single day. So six weeks of 24/7 with anyone requires planned “alone time” and some deep, meditative breathing from time to time.

Probably the secrets to traveling for a long time with one’s partner are the same secrets which hold the key for long-time relationships in general and, ultimately, all relationships, including with oneself.

  • Non-violence – don’t aggressively try to dominate and control, yourself or others
  • Truth – be honest about and respect who you (and others)  are
  • Don’t steal – don’t take away from one place to compensate another – physically, emotionally or interpersonally
  • Don’t envy – don’t compare yourself or others to an ideal or to fellow travelers
  • Moderation and renunciation –  try to do, say and experience everything in proportion

“Hmmm…sounds suspiciously like the “yamas” of yoga”, she said blushingly.

Oh! That’s another secret of retaining my enjoyment (and composure). Taking time out for yoga and meditation practice brings a little bit of home, comfort zone and gratitude with me wherever I go.

Because, after all, wherever you go, there you are. Ommmmmmm…

 p.s. I got complaints about the writing style of “Addictive Behaviors” – “too heavy”; “not like you”; “didn’t get a chance to read it”

 So here’s a lighter, more like me, opportunity to read, blog. Happy Spring everyone!